REPERTOIRE JAMES ACASTER FREE

Acaster tells everyone he's going to Loughborough for witness protection where he'll be a lollipop person, as this is a position exclusively for people in witness protection. His friend had offered to make him a cup of tea but wanted to know if the bag should be left in, improving the cup of tea, or if they should take the bag out, causing it to go directly into the bin. This gets him upset about museum rubbers.Īcaster admits he makes mistakes, such as choosing the right string to open his blinds, and he compares this to the day of the Brexit referendum. Then he tells the story of when the ancestors of modern Brits stole artifacts and put them in a museum. He considers Pisa despite how people pose with the Leaning Tower of Pisa, and he considers New Zealand because they say 'boil the jug'. He performs a rendition of The Dos and Don'ts of Passport Photography, and he thinks about where he wants to move.

Then he describes his honey business where every few days he would sell the same five jars of honey to the store and then buy them for a lower price, and he explains that he snitched on his employees so now he's in witness protection. He examines the situation of wells in Kenya versus the United Kingdom and the phrase 'he or she'. Finally, Acaster reenacts a Christingle service.Īcaster cleans up the stage and acknowledges that this crowd is the exact combination of spectators that he'd been hoping for. He becomes increasingly agitated and begins making a mess of the stage as he talks about the existential dread that this dentist appointment caused him. Acaster talks about further trouble on the day of the verdict, when he had scheduled a dentist appointment and struggled with the questionnaire. As a result, he started playing devil's advocate and saying no pun intended during jury deliberations. He says that this event brought back his uncertainty from when he was a young Christian boy. He talks about his Christmas with the jury, where they had Secret Santa and a Christingle service. Acaster also talks about the nighttime routine of shouting 'no more jobs' and being ambushed by a spouse wanting a massage.Īcaster describes the people from the jury and tells The Fable of the Goose and the Sloth. Then he talks about his night out with the jury, including one juror that's a hype man for a log flume. Acaster talks about his cinema experience and how he disrupted The Theory of Everything with harsh truth fortune cookies. He explains that it came right after he had to move because he had shouted his postcode at a rival gang. Then he talks about his experience with jury duty.

After walking on stage, he engages in celebrity gossip about the Chilean miners. He admits that he's been undercover so long that he doesn't know who he is anymore.Īcaster contemplates the origin of the universe in a voiceover. He talks about the one year anniversary of his divorce, when he drove to the beach to put his head in pictures you put your head in. To cope with his divorce, he started a podcast using the audio from the wire he wore while talking to the drug gang, and he plays the podcast for the audience.

He also talks about his love for mathematics and how squares can be used to close a cardboard box. He talks about his drinking habits and ponders the nature of Dr. Acaster talks about some of the troubles that one faces in gang life, the problems with conga lines, the connecting fabric between oven gloves, and unbreaking the ice at the end of a conversation.Īcaster laments that his wife left him on National Fondue Day. He explains that he started his career as a standup comedian to infiltrate a drug gang that operates backstage on comedy shows. Acaster changes the subject to childhood and says that he wanted to be an undercover cop as a child, so he told grown ups that he wanted to be a drug dealer.

REPERTOIRE JAMES ACASTER FREE

Then he discusses his love of loopholes, gives examples of the loopholes he exploits, and tells an anecdote about how he was wronged by a loophole regarding free bananas so he got revenge by starting a banana store that exclusively sells bananas. Acaster begins the show by talking about audience placement at a comedy show.

Repertoire james acaster